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I may or may not have lost it in church today. Like started out by choking back tears and then the floodworks came. I'm not one to cry very often. When I do, it is usually the result of extreme anger or frustration. This time I couldn't help it. It was a twofold breakdown.
The sermon talked about eternal life and how short our time here is. Stop sweating the things that you think matter that really don't in the grand scheme of life. Stop holding on to things that you will regret on your deathbed. Create a legacy that you would be proud of. This last part is what started the waterworks.
Lately I've been thinking about the legacy of those I've lost. The people I probably was too young and immature to appreciate while they were in my life. The people whose legacy is so grand that almost everyone you meet knows them and has a high respect for them. I worry so much if my life is a life that they would be proud of. I worry that I won't live up to those high standards. This part of the message really set in stone that time is fleeting, so make the most of it.
Dovetailing with that thought of how short our time on earth is is how short my time here with my friends has been. It cannot have been 4 years. Not possible. They've been the most wonderful of my life. I prayed so hard before I got here that God would put amazing people in my life, and he succeeded in doing that in my first week on this sprawling campus. I could have never imagined for myself a group of friends this close and this wonderful. It is so unbelievably hard to see that it is all coming to and end.
I'm starting to see that maybe some people are only in your life for a season to help you grow, some for a lifetime. Some of these people teach you hard lessons, born out of mistakes. Others were put in your life to point you in the right direction and to motivate you. Others are there to hold you hand through the hard times.
I know things will change in the next few months, but I'm so thankful for the people God has placed in my life. I feel like God uses everyone for a purpose to help grow others, and I'm so blessed by those he has placed in my life. Iron sharpens iron. It made this city great, and it is working on me, too.